I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
