M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
