butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
