so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
