if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
