ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
