I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is her dick bigger than yours?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
