Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
