well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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