i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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