You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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