Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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