I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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