So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Who died my cat blue again?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
