im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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