I wanna bring you to show and tell
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
