did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
