were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize