You made me cry and you don't even care
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
