what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
