i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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