K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
