This is not my ceiling
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
