I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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