at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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