I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
