do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
