Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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