Screwed.edu
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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