I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
