his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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