i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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