I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
