also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
