with your own penis?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
