someone threw a dead crab at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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