guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
