therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He uses pillows to masturbate.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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