Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
