Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
