Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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