drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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