Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
