she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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