I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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