I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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