There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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