i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
