Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
