I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
