Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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