hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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