Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
