Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
