I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
