He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
